Reflecting on the Water

Enabling.  I was trying to think about why and when it happens.  The why is easy.  I think people enable mainly because of loving the other person, it's kind of a mutated  sense of giving.  But the other reason is quieter. I think it has to do with trying to ignore what is going on.  A big game of pretend.  Like life can go on, just as it always has and we can ignore this Monster that is growing right in front of us.  That's the scary thing, though, the enabling feeds the monster.  It helps to cloak it while it's growing, and it helps to make it stronger because enabling blinds and confuses. I am so angry at this disease.  I feel so terrorized and crushed by what addiction has done to my child.  It has turned me into a non-person. All I am is a bunch of nerves, knotted in the pit of my stomach, fearing another 'mess up.'   I have read and listened to a mass of people, and they all say that soberity is possible if the person wants it.  No magic formula, just wanting a sober, better life, and working at it.  For my daughter, that would be changing her habits and stearing clear of the places to buy alcohol.  I know life can get hard, let me rephrase that, I know that life IS hard, but why make it harder than it has to be?  Why do addictions have to always center on something destructive?  Why can't people be addicted to being kind, or good health, or healthy thinking?  Now, I am in recovery.  It is very hard changing a way of thinking.  When I talked with my friend, her direction was to pray and walk, so Monday, I begin to walk.  I have been praying so hard, I pretty much walk on my knees, now.  Wonder how that will effect the walk on Monday?