The Impatient Sort

One day at a time, it has been good, here. Though I don't know what the future holds, I do feel my hope coming back a little more each day.  It 'feels' different, here.  Where it used to feel like there was some dark force enveloping our home, like some black blob out of a science fiction movie, it now feels lighter.  Not in the physical lighter, but in the mental and maybe visual lighter.  Conversation is less strained.  Smiles come more frequently.  Attitudes seem to be shifting to a better place.  I do believe people can change in a day if they choose to.  I know it is hard work whenever someone chooses to change, but it is still possible, I believe.  It is a choice, as always.

After work a few days ago (summer school is over at noon) I came home and we went to a zoo.  Not the big zoo, but one that was about an hour away. (My daughter has always loved tigers and this place has a pair that includes a white tiger). This zoo was smaller, more personal, with the option of feeding certain animals.  I was pleasantly surprised.  It was clean, the animals were very healthy looking and if you took your time, it was about a two hour walk. 

As we were walking through the park, the animals who were allowed to be fed by the visitors, were never far from the fences.  For the animals, like the zebras and others that were more wild, there was a PVC pipe that reached to the path.  People could pour kibbles down the pipe, that sat on a slant.  The kibbles or carrots would then roll down the pipe and land in a metal bowl where the animals could then eat them.  There were some animals who were impatient, knowing the treat came down that white long thing so they would position themselves at the bowl and just wait, trying to make sure that any other animal that came near was not given enough room to share in the profits. 

Other animals (mostly the wild horses) were even more impatient and determined to let everyone in the park know.  They knew good things rolled down that pipe, and they would pick up the end of the pipe and let it snap back making a clinging noise that produced an clanging sound that echoed throughout the park.

There were the animals who went about their business (the otters, sheep, kangaroos), playing, sleeping, stretching in the grass.  If someone came to the fence, they might get up and eat or they might not.  They had other business to attend to.

It made me think about people and God.  There are some people who are impatient to learn something, hear from God, and get information. So impatient to try and understand, that they keep 'banging and yelling' to get some results.  There are other people who just wait, nervously hoping something 'comes down the shoot' that will be able to help them.  Then, there are the people who just go about life, living it,enjoying it, having the faith that they will be taken care of and that allows them to live and appreciate what has been given to them.

Being put to the test in the confines of addiction, I realized I am the banging and yelling sort.  Impatient at times and sometimes so focused on my issues that I don't see or truly appreciate the life and situation in which I've been placed.  I learn lessons but don't realize how much it really has 'filled' me and so I keep banging, demanding a more immediate response. 

I'm trying to change, but realize that the idea or decision to change is only the first step--that can happen in a day.  The real change occurs everyday after that.  This is another day and another chance to continue to change.  I choose to take advantage of another chance.