Stress

Here is what happened last Friday.  Thursday night my dad called me around  6:30.  After a long, round about way of asking (I have no idea why he does that) he asked if I could still have his car towed if he needed it (I had his car towed from his driveway two weeks ago because the brake fluid was leaking).  "Of course.  Is something wrong?"  "Well, the car wouldn't start."  "Okay, I'll call AAA to come and pick it up.  Is it in the driveway?"  "No, it's down in the mall parking lot."  "How'd you get home?"  "I walked."  (It's about a mile walk).  "Well, do you want me to call tonight?  I can drive over..."  "No, no, no.  It can stay there all night.  We can do this in the morning."  "Well, dad, you have to be there when the tow truck comes."  "Okay, I'll walk down and then you can call them."  "Well, it takes about 15min. to 1hr. for them to get there.  When were you planning to leave the house?"  "Around 8:30." "Okay, you leave at 8:30, I'll call AAA at 8:45 from work, and then you just wait in the car until they get there."  (The car would only have to be towed about 50 feet.  As luck would have it, the service station wasn't too far from where he had parked.).  "Okay.  So, when I get down there, I'll call you."  "How are you going to do that, dad?  You don't have a cell phone."  "Oh, yeah." 

This conversation lasted about 45 minutes.  It was back and forth. He wanted to do it his way, but his stubborness wasn't allowing him to see that his way wasn't going to work for this senerio.  Since he chooses not to have a cell phone, answering machine, hearing aide, and an assortment of other 'modern' gadets, working through some situations can be 'challenging.'  Eventually, my daughter came into the room, heard us talking and volunteered to take him in the morning.  Problem solved.  That problem, anyway.  Working with my dad can be frustrating and exhausting.  He is one of the funniest people I know.  Very smart, very aware of global issues, very healthy (he just turned 90), but when it comes to certain life situations, well, it's very stressful. 

My daughter was at his house by 9 Friday morning.  I called AAA from work at 8:45.  They towed the car, it was fixed and she followed him back to his house by 2:30.  That sounds smooth, but it wasn't.  My dad argues with people, and since his hearing is failing, you have to talk louder than usual, which done for several hours is draining.  He ended up aruging with the person at the service center.  My daughter tried to explain what they had done to fix the car (my dad knows cars, he's a mechanical engineer --I'm not going to preface that by saying 'retired' because he really IS a mechanical engineer all of the time, his brain is always working like one.) So, the service man (looking exasperated according to my daughter) took 25 dollars off of the price and offered a free oil change for whenever he needs one. 

My daughter has been sober for a while, she started drinking when she came home. I asked her if she was mad.  "No."  Did grandpa upset her?  "Besides his normal stuff, no."  "Then why?"    When I asked her why, she said that she was feeling stressed, and she always thinks that a drink will help her relax.  Well, it does, but not in a good way.  She is out for several days.  We are thinking of moving in the spring, she claims that a new surrounding will be different.  She won't drink.  I told her after the stress comment, that stress is going to follow you always.  So, moving, if you don't learn how to deal with stress in the stressful times, isn't going to be some magical cure.  You have to learn other more healthy methods.  I should have proably waited for an answer, but I got up and left the room.

A year ago, I would have panicked and begun packing right then, because I was looking for a magical cure, too.  I know differently now.  I closed her door, and with a little bit of sadness and resolve, I went downstairs, made a cup of tea, and sat in the cool, late afternoon watching the dogs play in the yard.