There have been some good days, here. Good days always mean no drinking. I really think that everything else could be falling down around me, but if my daughter is not drinking, then life is good.
As always, I am thinking about 'things.' Though I'm slowly finding a way to keep the past buried and follow the 'no fear' way of thinking, (okay, last Saturday with my dad was somewhat of a set back, but it's okay now) some thoughts still manage to squeak through. I'm setting mental traps for them, though, and so far, one day at a time, I am making progress. Overall I am feeling more mentally calm.
But I was thinking. I guess I was trying to find a way to mentally find some logic in all that goes wrong in the world. With all there is to learn and experience. Places to see and people to learn about, one life time doesn't seem long enough and with all of the negative that can go on, it definitely doesn't seem fair enough. I know, who said life was ever going to be fair? But who said life was ever going to be so unfair, either? Maybe it isn't always so unfair, but sometimes it is. Even if our only purpose is to worship God, free will can even make that a struggle.
So, in my mulling things over, I thought. What if, before we are all born, we get a chance to pick roles to play. Some of us are rulers. Some of us choose to be servants. Some choose to be warriors. Some farmers. Some play the bad guys while others decide to wear the white hats. And here, on this wonderful and exciting planet, we come down and get to act out a life. Somehow, before we are born, we are given a description of what it will entail. Not a script to follow, just a description of what to expect. Like a trailer for a movie. And somehow our spirit self knows before we are born, and then as we grow we begin playing the part. Maybe to learn something. Maybe just for fun. But when it's over, we all meet, again, and get to talk and share our experiences together. Tell each other what we did. What we learned. How we grew, or didn't. What we could have done better. What we did well.
Thinking about life in that scenario was comforting. Things didn't seem so dire. It settled my thinking into the perspective of being in a spiritual theater class verses the panicked mindset of always feeling like there's not enough time or that if I mess up, I'll never get a chance to undo the negative. A life of improvisation. Each day, the curtain goes up and I get on stage and perform to the best of my ability. Learning what I can. Making the best of what I've been given. Not taking offense about what the critics say, because, they too, are just playing their part.
Well, it was just a thought...
My mantra....."we are all doing the best we know how to do."
ReplyDeleteI read about your disagreement with your dad but little one was having a sleepover party with 8 girls and I was throwing that all together...so I never got to comment. However, when I read it, it reminded me of my mom and I arguing. lol It happens, and I look back now and I think she was doing the best she knew how to do with her baggage, the skills she possessed, the fears and anger she carried, her need to have a say. She was an old woman whose life was winding down...she had little control over much of anything at that point. I wish I had been able to understand that more than I had at the moment....rather than react. Because I did react. "Mom, everything isn't about YOU!" Ugh, so ugly.
I don't have the energy to figure out what ails the world....I used to try. Now I just look at it and say to myself, "It is what it is." The only thing I can change is how I respond to it all. I do get to be in charge of that.
"It is whst it is," I do say that a lot now. Usually when the energy is gone and I'm too tired to try and figure out anymore stuff. I'm sorry about your mom. I hope the party went well :)
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