The Power of the Mind

I remember sitting across from my grandmother at her dinning room table many years, ago.  We were just talking and the subject of her and her home came up.  She still lived alone and took the bus when she had some place to go (if we weren't available due to school/work to take her).  Climbed a ladder to wash her walls every spring (a ritual I've never been inclined to continue).  She was totally independent.  Anyway, she made the comment, "Some day I'll be too old to take care of myself and this house.  When the happens, I'll worry about finding another place to live, but until then I'm okay."  I remember taking that statement causally like, 'Okay, gram, whatever you want."  When I went home, I was rehashing the evening in my head, and it dawned on me, my grandmother was 93 years old.  She was making a statement about not being old enough yet to not be able to take care of things, at 93!  What was more inspiring was that as we were talking and as you interacted with her, that fact went totally unnoticed.  She did not look or act like what one supposes a 93 year old should look/act like.  Amazing!  I wanted her attitude.  Then, at 95, she broke her hip, and after trying to go back and live on her own, she eventually consented to going to a nursing home, and it was down hill from there.  Though physically, she was fine (not on any medications) mentally she refused to accept the change.  Her home was her life source so to speak and leaving that, was like pulling a plug.  At 99, she passed after her sister came to see her. My grandmother simply willed herself away.

I was reminded of that with Joe Paterno's passing.  I went to Penn State.  He was like a monarch, there.  I think football and all that came with it was all he was.  When he was fired because of the investigation I think he simply could not go on.  I know there was a diagnosis of cancer, but I think it went deeper than that.  The power of the mind. 

I am trying to improve my mind.  I am trying not to be so negative and fearful.  I am trying not to retread the steps from the past and the horrible memories that tag along with them.  I am trying very hard to push forward, with more hopeful and positive thoughts.  I want to drag those long with me instead of the bad.  But why is it so hard?  I am exhausted most of the time, and I do think it's partly because of trying to force the negatives away. (Sometimes, forcing something away, causes it to be even more present). It's like when I'm flying.  I am not big on flying in planes, but I also don't have panic attacks.  I will admit, though, that as the plane is flying, I am mentally helping to keep it in the air.  I try to visualize great hands cradling the plane, keeping it flying.  It's exhausting!  (is there a difference between visualizing and trying to control?)  Well, that is what I'm trying to do, drive toward the positive as the negative eats my dust.  But, every once in a while, I see a hitchhiker, that looks a lot like the negatives I've left behind.  The power of the mind is amazing.  Learning how to steer it in the right direction, I'm finding out, is where the real power comes from.