Where's the Cauliflower?

Life has been good, here.  Hot and humid, but good. I have seen good changes in my daughter.  She seems happier.  More positive.  She doesn't get upset as quickly. And I have been practicing letting her get upset.  That is still one of my 'forbidden zones' trying to avoid her getting angry or upset.  I have a lot of experience padding the way so that people don't get angry.  I learned it from my mom, who was always trying to avoid an argument with my dad.  And being married to a controlling individual, I refined those skills.  Since this addiction has been following me around, I have learned that emotions that are too intense--mostly the negative ones--literally drive my daughter to drink, so I have adapted to the situation and have worked hard to make sure life isn't too frustrating for her.  It's exhausting work!  So, I gave it up. 

I don't understand when emotions and feeling your feelings became such a dreaded experience.  I understand the pain of breaking up with someone.  I lived through many break-ups.  I survived it and moved on.  Those heroic men, women, and children who pioneered our country, left their own familiar surroundings to find their American Dream, lived daily hardships.  Death, hunger, sadness, loneliness, adventure, and they lived through it.  They kept plowing ahead and found their futures.  They built a life.  Life is not easy.  It can be messy.  But it can also be amazing, even through all of the junk that is put in your path, you find treasures if you keep looking and don't give up. 

I am working at summer school, now.  I had two weeks off and we began on Monday.  It is hard getting back into that routine, but it is also fulfilling working with the kids.  I am teaching a social skills class this year.  My first time and so it is a work in progress.  Anyway, everything was going great here.  I had even begun to forget about the drinking.  Really, it was starting to feel like a distant memory.  I'm so tried of thinking about it anyway, that when my daughter promised (yes, I said promise which hasn't been said before.  In the past it has been, "I don't plan on..."  This time it was I promise I'm not buying alcohol)  I was more than willing to 'forget the whole darn thing!'  All six, nightmarish years, gone in the puff of a promise.   My promises mean something, so my assumption is that all promises  mean something.  Well....

I came home today and my daughter was making Shepard's Pie, only it is the detoxing recipe that uses cauliflower instead of mashed potatoes (you really can't tell the difference, it is that good).  Anyway, I noticed something wasn't right in how she looked. Subtle, but a familiar change. BUT, she promised, so I pretended I was seeing things.  I told her I was running to the store.  She said that she was going to finish cooking the cauliflower and then bake the casserole.  Okay, so I left.  When I came home, she was asleep on the couch.  (I wasn't concerned, it is so muggy and hot here that I could sleep most of the day).  I walked into the kitchen and as it goes every time she drinks, I have a mystery to solve.  On the counter is the food processor, empty.  There is broccoli cut up in the pan, but not cooking.  Half of it is in the pan, half on the table.  The chicken is cut up in the casserole dish, sitting on the table.  The pot that the cauliflower was cooking in was in the sink.  Something was missing.  Where was the cauliflower?  I looked in the oven.  Nothing.  The refrigerator.  Nothing. The garbage. Nothing.  I went into the living room and woke her.  "Where's the cauliflower?"  She blinked at me.  "The cauliflower...where is it?"  She furrowed her brow.  I waited. She stood up and went into the kitchen, looking in the same places I did.  She looked at me, "How can you lose cauliflower?"  "Good question! Only I'm the one who should be asking it!"  After a few more minutes of watching her look (which was starting to really frustrate me)  I told her to go upstairs. She did.  She's there now.  I cleaned things up.  Put food away, however, I still haven't found the cauliflower.