Turning Away

Matthew 7: 1-2 says, "Judge not, that ye be not judged.  For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged..."

I don't think there has been anything more than this experience with addiction that has caused me to demolish so many of my own 'walls of thinking'.  I am in the process of rebuilding those walls (boundaries) only the mortar I'm using is a little more gentle and the stone not as heavy. 

Don't misunderstand me, I don't think judging is wrong.  I've written about this, before. It's important and necessary to make judgments every day.  A right action from a wrong action. Is this idea a biblical one  or not?  Judgments help to maintain standards and boundaries.  Judgments become an obstacle when you don't read further into that passage in Matthew where it states that you need to look at the log in your own eye before the speck in another's.  You have to make sure you're making the judgments for the right reason (making sure you have cleaned up your act) before you can help someone else see better choices to make.  As with most of the directives in the bible, I don't believe them to be written as a finger-wagging warning, but as a gentle, loving parent advising you on how to best live your life in order to help others, and yourself, get closer to God.

I'm not a loud person.  I'm not an in-your-face person.  It always amazes me when I hear people have commented to strangers on their weight, actions, etc.  I have never done that in the negative.  I have gone up to someone who I just observed doing something good or kind and told them.  Good behavior should be encouraged.  Having said that, I did make judgments in my own mind.  My thoughts would go something like this, if someones child had to leave school (college) unexpectedly and there were hints of drug or alcohol use my face would show sympathy, but my mind was judging.  "They should have made better choices."  "Must have something going on at home."  I was a bipolar judge.  On the outside sympathetic on the inside I was pointing my finger in all directions. 

If you can find good in any situation, a good out of this situation is that nothing phases me and I understand more completely how fragile people really are and how messy life can be when you are not being sheltered by your loved ones.  Once you get out into the world and are on your own, the past emotional baggage, experiences and all of the idiosyncrasies that make up you as a person get dragged along with you.  They are the tools you reach for when life starts breaking down.  Sometimes those are the right tools.  Sometimes you end up using a screw driver when you should have used a hammer.  But, you do the best that you can even when that best drags you down a path you would have never in a million years, dreamed you'd be on. 

Life has so many paths to chose all with their own set of consequences.  Some consequences are cause by our actions, some by other's actions.  Regardless of what the consequences, we are required to keep forging  ahead.  "All things work together for the good to them that love God." (Romans 8:28).  All things.  So, regardless of the spot you've landed in a field of roses or a pile of poo, it can work out for good.  The possibility is there if you're focused on the right.

My very best friend in the world called me last week to tell me about a choice she had made in the distant past.  The consequence of that choice showed up last week.  She was afraid that I would judge her.  Me.  I can write a full two page, front and back, single spaced list of the goofy stuff we did as kids, yet she was afraid that I was going to love her less because of this one choice she had made. 
I listened to her story. Heard the pain in her voice. The fear.  When she was done, we talked and the bottom line for me was you did the best you could with the choices you had at the time.  I asked her if she was happy with her life now.  "Yes."  Does she have a family she loves and who loves her?  "Yes."  Then why would you be upset now about a choice made so long ago? 

What we experience, if we learn from it, makes us who we are at this moment.  If you learn from your choices and strive to make better ones (even if you get weak along the way) then how could you fault yourself? Who's so perfect that they never make mistakes?  (Of course, I'm not considering extremes like torture or purposely hurting someone...I think Hitler has a lot to answer for) I'm talking about the general, normal human that most of us are.  When Lot's wife turned back to look at her destroyed city, she turned to a pillar of salt.  You can't keep reminding yourself about the choices of your past. It's over. Done. Bury it and move on.

The past is where my daughter has chained herself. For whatever reason, when things are going their best, she chooses to turn around and review every mistake, postponed decision, lost friendship.  Every bad experience is the result of alcohol, YET what does she turn to after she flails herself with memories of the past?  Alcohol.  I don't understand it.  Why is it so hard to forgive yourself? Why is it so hard to let go? Why is it so hard to turn away from the past?