I am trying to sort out my experiences and thoughts to better understand how to move forward and not stay stuck in the past.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

The Power of Thought

"Every thought that enters your mind creates reality-you become what you think."   That is the scariest statement I've ever read.  I was going through papers on my desk (fyi, if it weren't for papers, I'd have no clutter).  Anyway, I wrote that down from the wellness day we had during school.  The person who does reflexology said that.  She was adamant that 'you are what you think.'   For me, controlling my thinking is very difficult.  I do try to think positively, but then those little negative gnats start flying around and I begin to focus on them and not 'the good possibilities.' 

Regardless of how scary that idea is, I do think it is true.  I have thought a lot about it and when I think of my daughter and where she is, today, she is an excellent example of becoming what you think or focus on.  Growing up she was very electric-a natural leader.  She was a slow starter in the morning.  After she woke up in the morning, before eating breakfast, she liked a hug and then to just sit at the kitchen table, watching everything that was going on.  She woke up slowly.  But once up, she was energy all around.  She would wear herself out so much, that on occasion, she would fall asleep at the table during dinner.   I remember having to wake her up so that she would finish chewing the food in her mouth.  She slept deep rarely waking in the night for anything.  The morning started her leap into the day and she grabbed onto every minute.  Once, she toddled into the kitchen and announced, "Mommy, I love you as much as flowers smell sweet!"  A big hug and then a glass of milk and the day was off.  I find myself meandering in those memories more frequently. 

As she got older and life as it does, required her to respond to more responsibility; school, peers, sports, she continued to maintain that solid personality.  I don't think I ever told her to get her homework done.  She would come home on her own, spread out her books, and tackle the assignments.  She never waited to the evening. In her mind, facing it and getting it done was just her way: work first, play later.  She had her wisdom teeth out in high school on a Friday and went to Crew practice the next morning.  She was driven and dedicated.  Her first year in college, she wanted to row Stroke position, but didn't know the coach well enough to ask, so she bought a pair of shorts with STROKE written on the back and when they were doing their required mile run, she would make sure to run past him.  Eventually he approached her and asked her if she ever rowed stroke position.  She said, "Yes."  He said, "I thought so."   He tried her out and allowed her to row in that seat. 

Somewhere along the way, she latched onto more negative thinking than positive or hopeful thinking.  For the eating disorder, it started her junior year in high school, when she over heard some boys criticizing other girls on how they looked in their spandex suits they wore for crew.  She didn't want to be included in that group of girls and so dieting became obsession which became the eating disorder.  She hated what she was doing, but the thought of not being accepted by boys was stronger.  There were several personality traits about her dad that she did not like-hated would be accurate. Her anger at herself and how the boys talked, I believe, began mixing in with how she felt about her dad. Today, she exhibits a lot of those behaviors. I've pointed that out to her; that her concentrating on the behaviors she hates so much has molded her into what she hates the most. The drinking thinking deceives her even more. And that is the craziest thinking.  She gets upset about what she's 'lost' and I point out that the drinking is what caused it all. Then she thinks that it's too late, and that, in turn, has dried up her well of enthusiasm, desire and hope.  She has become what she thinks. 

It is scary to me, how strong thoughts are.  What are the keys to unlock their hold on a person?  Words have power.  Once thoughts and words have taken root, is seems so hard to pull out the bad thoughts and replace them with new.  You have to be so vigilant not only with what you say but with what you think.  Why is it so easy to believe the negative over the positive?  I don't know.  I do know, that I'm swatting back negative thinking more frequently as my own hope begins to waiver. 
How do you hold on to good thinking when the negative seems so much stronger?

2 comments:

  1. Wow,...what a great post,...all so true. I've been thinking about this a lot lately too, & trying to work on my own thinking, regarding focusing my thoughts on the positive. Your daughter sounds like so many of our addicted loved ones/"kids",... An intense person. This can be a quality that can drive one positively,...or as you've seen, negatively. My son, an addict,..is just the same. When he was young, it also was also exhibited positively, then turned into a very negative path of addiction.

    Insightful post. I also agree that it's often a challenge to focus on the positive vs the negative thoughts. I wish I knew the strategy to never let that happen.

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  2. I'm sorry you and your son have gone through this. It all makes me so sad and frustrated.

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