Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Why?
I don't know if it is the full moon, too much humidity, a bad hair day, or fear of repeating the past, but I have mentally argued with God all day. This is all just SO UNFAIR. I was driving home, and saw a mother waiting for her young daughter to get off of a school bus. That used to be me. I see the female students in school, and think, once, that was my daughter with so many exciting unknowns in her future. Where her biggest worry was who was she going to sit with on the bus. She used to be so alive. Honor role, honor society, a ton of friends, so much ahead of her. And now, this. A life of rehabs, and worry and horrible memories. Sometimes when I think of the things I've been through with her, and the situations I've seen her drunk in, it makes me physically ill. When I think of the insanity of her reasoning concerning the past, it is so frustrating. This is so unfair. Why? Why us? Why can't we know that either the prayers will be answered or they won't. Why drag on a situation if it has no hope of getting better? Why, why, why? I want this all to be over. I'm craving my normal, again. I am just so overwhelmingly sad, today.
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It sounds like you are in the grief stage. We all go through a period of grieving what could have been. Letting all of those dreams and visions we had for our beautiful children...go, and begin to work our way toward accepting what is.
ReplyDeleteThe one thing that I am sure of is that God uses disaster and calamity to create beauty if we allow him to. There is always hope.
As a sidenote....my therapist knew the disease of alcoholism from every angle. She was the daughter, the wife, and the mother of an alcoholic. She is also sober from her own disease of alcoholism for 30 years. Her daughter who was also a brilliant student, member of the honor society, etc, etc... lived in her disease for several years, until one year on her mom's birthday she gave her mom a 3 month chip. *Her* 3 month chip. Her mom shared that it was something she did all on her own. It was nothing her mom had done or not done that led her to sobriety
That same daughter is now a district attorney in a big city, sober for the past 10 years.
There is hope. Put your daughter into God's hands and let Him work this out with her. I KNOW how hard it is to believe and there are no promises. But I do believe that God has a plan, even if we don't understand it.
Annette, I pray that only the most wonderful experiences and answered prayers happen to you. Thank you for being so kind.
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