Still Learning the Strokes

A quick back track last time concerning the eating disorder. I explained how the drinking started, very slowly and sinister in its ability to seep in without looking dangerous.  But it was.  That all started in 2008, so it has been three years.  The time it hit home with me was when she wrecked the car.  Fortunately, no one was hurt, including my daughter.  Also, no other cars were on the interstate at the time she wrecked, it was after she hit the guard-rail, that cars began appearing.  That is itself is amazing, since it was an interstate notorious for heavy traffic.  Yes, it was a DUI.  She did not do any jail time.  Since it was her first (an only) she was put into a program of counseling, and abstinence for one year, and it has been expunged.  That year was stressful, because although she was not supposed to buy alcohol, she did on 5 occasions throughout that year.  But no one found out, and she remained in the program and has moved on from that.  That time, though, is when I started noticing how God, despite our most crazy moments, is present, seemingly to save us from ourselves.  The most evident is that no one was hurt in the accident.  The accident took place in another county from ours, and so we had to travel there for court dates, counseling, etc.  Each time we traveled, during the winter months, we would avoid snow storms by a day, or the counselor for that day had an amazing message, things like that.  I know it may sound trivial reading about it here, but when I reflect on how much worse things could have been, to how they turned out, I know I see the hand of God holding ours.  Even the judge, who singled out my daughter over everyone else at the court hearing (people went up in groups because DUI's apparently are very common) had asked her to stay behind, and he lectured her, which I was thankful for.  I wanted something to sink in.  But it was going to be awhile for it to happen.  It was during this time, though, for me that I would have moments of truth, or some type of clarity in my mind about her habits and reading between the lines of what she was telling me and what was really happening.  I was beginning to not understand that I was an enabler, yet, but began that internal arguing with myself that was, I believe, the beginning stages.  Like the stages of confronting some one's death.  I was in denial, and now I was going to start bartering/arguing with myself, her and God, and anyone else who was seeing things differently than I was.