So Far the Water Feels Cool

My daughter's eating disorder was the jumping off point of my education.  I didn't believe it was happening.  It was my son, and then my daughter's best friend who would point things out to me.  I was still completely clueless.  I wasn't even near that river of denial, let alone floating on it.  When my son pointed out what he noticed, I confronted my daughter, and she admitted to it but assured me that it would never happen, again.  Well, that was easy!  Life goes back to normal. Not so much.  It was a very long and isolating process, but I do believe that the pattern of addiction (lying, isolating herself, guilt) began during those years.  She battled bulimia for 5 years.  Once she finally had enough, I did send her to a rehabilitation place specifically for eating disorders.  I was so relieved when she was there.  It did help her, though, it took several more months after she returned home, for her to be established in her recovery.  Though, I must say, that although the drinking wasn't a problem, yet, it was developing on the fringes.  She still was able to drink socially with friends but I noticed her drinking more at home.  She always had a reasonable excuse, and she was legal.  No parties, just a drink here and there, and since I was concentrating on the bulimia, the alcohol wasn't waving any red flags with me.  Anyway, she was back at school, and doing well.  During her second year at school, her roommate committed suicide.  The next year, my mother died unexpectedly.  Both events took a toll on her.  That following summer, she had to stay at school to take some summer classes.  It was during that time that the alcohol was establishing itself as a problem.  It started because she was there, alone.  No friends, her boyfriend was not there, and she considered herself shy so it was hard for her to make friends and complete the amount of studying that she needed.  So, she would take a test, complete a project/paper, whatever.  After class, go get some dinner, and have a drink as a reward.  It relaxed her and calmed her thinking. And still, after all we had been through with the bulimia, I was still slow on the uptake.  I just didn't want to have anything wrong.  Life had enough problems, without my children having anything serious happen to them, especially something they were doing to themselves.  Too, I was praying a lot, and believed that God was hearing my prayers and would come to our rescue.  I believe in miracles, and who needed on more than us?  Well, this experience has taught me a lot about a lot:  People, God, myself, and ultimately, I have learned what it means to not judge others.