I had the worst dream last night. It was short but powerful. I had just gone to bed. I was lying on my right side. In the dream I had my phone in my hand (I never sleep with my phone). Anyway, the phone started to ring and at the same time, I felt my daughter come into my room. In the dream I could see a dark shadow come into the room and walk around to my side of the bed. I felt her crawl in beside me as the phone began ringing louder. I felt her put her arms around me and I knew if I answered that phone it wasn't going to be good news. I started to scream in my dream. Close my eyes and just try to scream. Trying to scream in my dream woke me up. However, I could still feel someone next to me. I could still feel my daughter in the room.
She has been drinking. Facebook was the path to her bottle this time. She found out her ex-boyfriend is getting married. That relationship was never good. She would complain about him and they would argue constantly. She complained how he never did anything. Never made a decision. I didn't like him. My son didn't like him but I think she was with him to have someone to be with. Then, after four years, she felt it was all for nothing because of the time spent. (I hate that excuse). Anyway, that is why she has been drinking...a lot.
Lying there, waking up in the middle of the night, my heart shot a burst of adrenalin into my brain. "Did she just die in the next room?" "Is that what that dream was?" I was afraid to move. What do I do? What would I do?
Finally, I decided to go into her room and check. Thank God she was breathing. I went downstairs to get her a glass of orange juice to drink. I woke her up and held the glass for her. She drank, willingly. She hasn't eaten in a week. I've made her some soup to sip this morning.
That is the bad dream I had in this nightmare I'm living.
Please, God, make it stop. Take her into Your arms and hold her. Release her from this addiction. Put her back onto the path You intended. Bring back the strong, courageous, determined little girl that is being held captive within her. Amen.
Oh you poor thing. I hate those kinds of dreams. I have had some that are still so vividly in my mind...I don't think I will ever forget them. Stabbings, death, overdoses. Ugh. This "disease" is really so stressful for us observers. I believe our fears and our stress come out in our sleep thoughts. We can work so hard during the day in our conscious minds...but when we go to sleep and our subconscious mind gets to rule....the truth comes to the surface. We are afraid, we are in emotional distress. The only thing I know to do is to hand it back over to God. I am powerless over making it all ok. You and I are powerless over healing our girls. That is a tough reality to accept, but its my truth.(((hug)))
ReplyDeleteThanks, Annette. Though I hate that you (and others) have been or are going through this, too, it is nice to have someone who understands.
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