Sunday, February 19, 2012
All Consuming
I was cleaning, yesterday. Sometimes, cleaning is very therapeutic for me. I'm trying to downsize; getting rid of the excess. Anyway, I had a movie on while I was doing this. I wasn't really paying too much attention, but something one of the character's said made me stop. The movie was about a girl struggling with anorexia and her family's interactions and responses. She was talking with someone, and said, "My brain is eating me alive." Boy, did that hit home. My daughter has often said how she drinks to stop thinking. Thinking of regrets, sad moments, lost opportunities, happy memories that are gone...she says she thinks too much, and just wants to be numb. I have never understood what she meant. That quote, though, hit the right note with me. That quote gave me a clearer picture of what it must feel like. Not only for my daughter, but of the other people struggling with addiction who want to get numb. So, now I have a new question to ponder. I know what thinking and thoughts feel like. I know what stress feels like. I know sadness. How, then, am I able to dismiss my thoughts or tone them down? How am I able to compartmentalize my thoughts? Why can't my daughter's brain do the same?
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My daughter says the same thing..."my thoughts never shut off." My husband is the same way....but just lives with it. I don't know the answer to why some can manage life with their thoughts all over the place and why some can't.
ReplyDeleteThank you for this - my husband says the same thing ALL the time. I try to tell him my management techniques for when my brain is on overdrive, but alas, he still drinks. That really helped me to see his point of view. Sort of like when I realized by not dealing with my feelings, I was eating myself alive in my gut. Physically, really.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad it helped, WGO. :)
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