Motivation and Intention

Why are you really doing this?  What are you really trying to say? What are you hoping to accomplish?  These questions are like a sieve to me.  In my prospecting for mining the right words and actions, I first toss them on my intentions and motivations sieve, shake them, roll them around, examine them mentally, and when they shine with the meaning I truly intended, I carefully choose them and hope that my motivation will transfer the right meaning. I do that with everyone.  I started because when I did my internal readjusting, I noticed a few things about myself.  The first was that I spoke a code that I was assuming others could decipher. I assumed that they would understand that certain inflections and word orders would clearly state my intent in an otherwise opposite sounding statement.  I also discovered that I assumed people were mind readers and thought exactly the way I did.  (Why wouldn't they, right?)  The third thing I noticed about myself, and this was a little more ambiguous; I was hoping that I wouldn't have to show my negative emotions (frustration, anger, resentment) that my word choices would act as a bee's stinger would--stinging, injecting and making the receiver of my words have to figure out the cure or meaning, while I walked away relieved and somewhat less stressed.  Crazy thinking.  Selfish behavior.

I think what started my own inner house cleaning was experiencing those same techniques by other people.  Someone would say something to me, it could be well intentioned, motivated by guilt, or just a request that they were hesitant to ask, and it wouldn't make clear sense to me.  I started to ask myself, "Why did they just say that?"  "What did they really mean?"  It has taken awhile, but now it's pretty standard for me to sort through the words and realize the real meaning.  I started doing that with myself.  "Why was I saying this?"  "Did it matter that I made this comment?"  "What is my motivation for saying this, to help or hurt?"  In the beginning, when I was sorting out my own stones from gold emotions, I ended up saying less because I realized that I was directing some hurt on a person, making them responsible for 'working it out'.  I would be relieved for a little, but the hurt would creep back in and I would still have to deal with it.  Sifting through the rubble of emotions to find the golden intent, has helped me to understand myself better. I'm more clear about what I want and think. I talk less, and listen more. My words are more valuable, because I now choose their value more carefully. Words are powerful. They can give a richness and hope to life, or they can hold you back, like mud. There is a responsibility in choosing the right words and understanding why you're choosing them.

This Christmas was perfect. My son and daughter were here, along with my dad. It was happy, and fun and everyone was well. It was an answered prayer.  Yesterday, a package came from my ex for my daughter.  Christmas gifts. With the gifts was a card.  Here is what he wrote to her:  "Another year has come and gone. Another year that I wish we were closer. I was so looking forward to you coming to Pensacola.  At only 45 minutes away, you could have stayed with me.  Ah, well, I guess God has another plan for you." Sounds innocent and caring, right? (Bring out the sieve)  My daughter feels bad about withdrawing from school.  I'm thankful she did, but she feels guilty, as if she's failed.  She hasn't. My ex on the other hand, has never seen life from someone else's view. He views life as he feels it should be not as it really is. He can have a million 'do-overs', but will not allow the same freedom to others.  Reminding her of the past (she was going to do clinicals in Pensacola) and then the 'Ah, well...' statement, was so barbed with guilt, I could feel her inner remorse pricking her as I watched her read his card.  Of all the words he could have chosen, he chose those.  Not to help her, or show her how much he loves her, but to remind her that he's disappointed that she made the choice she did.  His motivation is guilt, his intention is to remind her of what he's going to miss out on, not what she has been going through.

Words can stir hope or crash dreams. What motivates someone to speak, what their intentions plan to convey, give the spoken words the ability to help someone live or they can add on another link that continues to bind them to their pasts.  We are accountable for the words we choose and the way they're used.