Boundaries and Trust

My daughter and I watched the movie Crash last evening. Actually, I walked in on the last forty-five minutes of it.  She explained the characters and what was going on. It reminded me of the 'Lifeboat Scenario' where you're given a piece of paper with a list of seven people. They're in the middle of the ocean with one life boat. The quandary, only six people can fit into the boat. Who do you save?  Then they give short bios of the people. There's a stay at home mom with 5 children. A prostitute/drug addict who used to be a nurse and has an expert knowledge of cardiac care. It goes like that-severe traits of good and bad. In my experience when I was in school, the stay at home mom was usually the one who got tossed over board, basically because she had no visible 'skills.'  So, even the serial killer, who used to be a brain surgeon is saved over the mom.  It was very telling to see the thought process and reasons for eliminating an individual.  The movie last night was like that.  A car thief who frees Cambodian refugees; a policeman who murders a thief (the thief was changing his ways) because he reacted too quickly and then hides the murder.  Situations that gave fuzzy boundaries; is he good or bad?

I realized watching the movie that boundaries are vital for trust.  Offering such severe examples fuzzies the boundaries and if the boundaries aren't clear then neither is trust, and understanding, and a handful of other emotions necessary to establish good relationships. Without clear boundaries, you're left in a kind of limbo of 'what do I feel?'  In one of the scenes, Sandra Bullock's character tells a friend on the phone, "I'm mad all of the time and I don't know why."  I think a lot of people are like that in real life.  I think anger and confusion, desperation, comes from not having clear boundaries in a lot of areas of our lives.  As a society, I'm not sure how to change that, but as individuals setting up boundaries is necessary for mental clarity. I'm not for judging individuals. I do believe people can change, and in general are trying the best that they can.  I am for clear boundaries, though, as an emotional barrier to keep life clear. I think it can be scary not knowing how you should feel, or even worse, what should I feel?  Maybe the fuzzy boundaries are a reason addiction is more and more prevalent. Maybe, there are some people who are so frustrated and stressed by not knowing or understanding the boundaries, that 'checking out' and not dealing with it is better than sitting in that hazy, emotional limbo.