I am trying to sort out my experiences and thoughts to better understand how to move forward and not stay stuck in the past.

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Yeah, but...

I have been working on trying to appreciate what I have, despite the struggles my daughter continues to go through.  I was tired of writing about the same thing over and over.  We have good days and bad days and days stuck in limbo.  It has been so hard for me to look past my own anger and frustrations with this life.  If lives weren't so intertwined or love wasn't so strong, it would be a lot easier to look past her life and appreciate mine, more.  But that's not what happens.  I think, I have a great job.  Yeah, but she's still struggling.  I have amazing friends.  Yeah, but she is still isolating herself.  Yeah, but, yeah, but, yeah, but.  I have pushed though some mindsets that I thought I never would, but that attachment to your child, that invisible umbilical cord, can stretch to infinite lengths.

I don't talk about it with my friends anymore, those few who I trust with this part of my life.  In that way, I've come full circle.  Good changes, some.  Bad changes, a few.  No changes are still in the lead.

Anyway, I found an amazing book.  Proof of Heaven by Eben Alexander, M.D.  I recommend it to anyone who may have doubts or if you just need that extra oomph of clarification and proof.

4 comments:

  1. thank you so much for posting....it's just good to know you are stilling around....I like you have an "adult" child, with dual diagnoses.....I am going to try (very hard), to just try and move pass my constant worries of him,,,,even for a short moment.....thank you

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  2. I appreciate the kind comments, j. :) I hope all goes well with you and your son. It is a hard thing to do, letting the worries go. My heart goes out to you.

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  3. Oh Signe!!! I am so happy to see you back here! I have really missed you and thought of you often. I have to admit when I saw your comments on my blog I felt a minute of being embarrassed..."here I am STILL blogging about the same struggles!" I too don't talk about this very often in my "real" life.....my very best friend has grown distant and I think maybe she's just had enough of our drama. Its sad, but I do understand. And its probably why I still blog about the same old struggles! lol I have to get it all out and process it and I can do that here. Anyway, so happy to see your name pop up!

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  4. Thank you, Annette. :) And just so you know, your writings are always fresh to me. Even if the struggle is still present, the insights are always new and helpful. :)

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