Therapy

A good therapist is very hard to find. I think a lot of times, they come with their own opinions, prejudices, and baggage. At least in the field of treating addictions, this seems to be how it has been for my daughter. There are the therapists who think they need to 'get down to their level' so that rather than being someone that persons with addiction can look up to, they become someone
'just like them' seemingly, anyway, and rather than being able to show the person or group a new way, the therapist-buddy becomes just another peer with authority and nothing changes.  Then there is the therapist with an opinion, and that opinion has been that the person struggling with an addiction is less of a person.  They go through the mechanics of therapy, but fail to reach the heart of the hurting that is helping to fuel the addiction.  This type of therapist, because they are so locked in the mechanics of therapy, will also fail to filter what they say, and so in a group of people who are searching and hoping for help, they announce that, "Unfortunately, some of you will never recover."  Do you know what kind of a poisoned worm that is for a person struggling with an addiction and hopelessness (and excuses) to be lured to?  How easy that statement is to swallow when there are so many issues swimming around in their brains in those early stages of help before they can clear that murky thought process?  Then there are the therapists who have a grudge, usually a family member who struggled with addiction-a person they still resent deep down inside, and now here in front of them are a group of people all representing an aspect of their (the therapist's hurt) sitting around a circle--fish in a barrel for this person who quietly lashes out with stinging comments further confusing and injuring people who are trying to find healing. I hate the damage that these people do and have done. In a process that is so fragile and intricate--unravelling the human mind--they are careless and hurtful and selfish and yes, I'll say it, stupid. 

So,  I've talked to my daughter about finding other sources of therapy.  There are some very good books to read. Journaling. Painting. Exercising. Talking. People can discover and recover on their own as well as with someone leading them.  When the leader isn't available, that's no excuse to not start the journey.  Building a new routine of good health. Forcing yourself to step off of the path you've been trudging, and making a new path.  Yes, it will probably be hard, you may have to cut down some weeds, and you may trip over some stones, but as the new path becomes more walked and worn, it will be smoother and more familiar.  If your mind is able, regardless of the hurts of the past and the fears of the future, you can begin to heal. 

I need therapy, too.  I think anyone who has watched and participated in a loved one's addiction process needs rehabilitation.  Of all of the commercials and programs on rehab facilities, I have yet to see one specifically for the family members.  So, I have to do it on my own.  I have found several different therapies that help. Listening to other people.  Talking to other people. The anticipation of the first sip of coffee in the morning. Smelling fresh air. Getting rid of excess around the house. Working in the yard. Reading. Watching a movie. A nap on a rainy Sunday afternoon. Sitting in the yard on an autumn afternoon and just breathing in all of the fall aromas. Journaling (blogging) and reading other people's journeys. Even if the blogs don't talk specifically about the addict or addictions, the other aspects, hiking, cooking, opinions, all of it, help someone who's making a new path, see all of the other options that are out there. Other people's stories and opinions help to cut a new path. So, keep writing because our thoughts have value, our opinions have healing, we have a story. 

In closing, I want to quote something I read while looking for prayers and help on the Internet during a time my daughter was drinking.   The title is Making it Happen. I don't know who the author is, but I like how they clarify the word 'try'.

          "...there are two types of people in this world: Those who try and those who make it happen.  Many of us have negative behaviors or addictions we've tried to over come and if we have failed, the harsh truth is that it's usually because we are satisfied with just trying.  Our reasons for trying are generally selfish.  We try because we don't want to feel guilty or because we want recognition from someone else.  Trying is one type of consciousness, and often those of us who try are not successful.  But there's another type of consciousness--one of conviction.  That's when trying is not an option. Overcoming challenges requires a commitment to never give up.  Success comes from seeing what we want to change or accomplish and deciding that until we cross that finish line, there can be no turning back.  Those who merely try, usually don't really want to make it happen. They just want to feel a little bit better about themselves. Making it happen means making a transformation in our consciousness to actually care about something or someone more than we do our own comforts.  At the end of the day, whatever challenge we are facing, we have to choose if we're going to be someone who tries, or someone who makes it happen.  As long as we are here in this world, anything is possible and anything is changeable.  As long as we keep on pushing and persevering, we can overcome.  We can never, ever give up."