A New Car

I bought a new car.  Well, it's a used-new car.  What I had been driving was a 1998 Jeep Grand Cherokee.  It had 192,000 miles on it.  That car drove me to a lot of good memories.  On the outside, it still looked good. No scratches or dents. Paint still in good shape.  The age of the car, though, was starting to effect the workings of the car. The first to go was the back windshield wiper.  Then the air conditioner, which has been broken for several years.  I could tough that out in the summer, though.  About two years ago, the hatch stopped opening.  Nothing gradual. I used it one day, and the next it wouldn't open.  After that, little components of the car started to flicker and fade.  The dash board lights, the CD player wouldn't play on cold mornings, little things I could live with.  Then, this September, I was driving and went to make a left turn, the the blinker was out.  So, I have been making the left turn with my arm because no one could change the bulb because the hatch wasn't opening.  I could live with that.  Work wasn't far away.  Other little noises started. Metallic dinging, inside the car was starting to sound like some off-beat, tuneless street band (I turned the radio up).  As long as nothing was falling off, I could live with that. Then it started getting colder, and there was frost on the windows.  I turned on the heater and defrost, and it didn't start with the same gusto it used to.  There was a puff of warmth and a lot of steam on the window that never went away.  So, I started carrying a cloth with me, to wipe the windshield periodically as I was driving.  It was annoying, but I could live with it. 

I had told my dad about the car and he suggested I take it to this place near him to see what the mechanic would say.  So, I went with my dad, and talked to the mechanic.  Bad news.  The heater would be at least nine hundred dollars to fix, they couldn't open the hatch either, so that would be a few more hundred to guesstimate that, the only good thing that happened was he found the replacement fuse, and got the back windshield wiper to work!  Woo hoo! 

I am not on a tight budget, but it is a pretty rigid one.  I'm still paying medical bills for my daughter.  We're working without a contract, so things are up in the air.  I didn't want to have to make car payments, but the money needed for the repairs was providing me some stress, that was getting hard to live with.

My son was home for Thanksgiving and we talked about the car.  He hadn't driven it for awhile.  He looked it over, and discovered that the four-wheel drive wasn't working, either (great).  It doesn't snow a lot here, but when it does...it does, and that four-wheel drive has become a necessity.  Anyway, he said that we were going to look at new cars, so he called around, and we went out Friday night and Saturday.  He brought his girlfriend.  They sat up front.  I sat in back, directing the updated version of how to drive the car.  "Remember when you make a left, you have to use your hand out the window."  "We should probably drive with the windows down, so the windshield doesn't fog up."  "Use that cloth to wipe the window when it gets foggy."  "Mom, what's that rattling sound?"  "I don't know, turn up the radio."

It was getting dark and colder. We had been to look at several cars, but didn't see anything promising. We got back in the car. He put the defroster on (kids, will they ever listen?) and the windshield fogged up so much, he couldn't see out.  I told him to use the cloth.  He couldn't live with it.

Saturday, we went to another dealership.  We did find a car. A 2010 Toyota Rav.  It was perfect. He provided the down payment and will help me with the monthly payments until the contract is negotiated.  Though it was stressful signing the papers, Sunday and Monday, driving a car where everything works was like crawling out of a dark hole.  I took my dad for a ride.  It was fun watching him think of places to drive to.

It's amazing how many ways I can be like a boiled frog.  I can 'live with it,' little by little.  When I look back on all of the things that were wrong with the car, it's a miracle that it didn't break down somewhere.  That car was a lot like me.  Still looks okay from the outside, but on the inside, things are breaking down.  I don't mean with age, I mean with stress, addiction, hopelessness.  This experience made me realize the internal repairs I still have to make.  I just won't 'live with it,' anymore.