I am trying to sort out my experiences and thoughts to better understand how to move forward and not stay stuck in the past.

Saturday, September 13, 2014


Someone help me understand this thinking.

Normally, my daughter is so sharp mentally.  Quick wit, smart, insightful, and then there are days like today, well, really yesterday.  Things were fine here.   We are having good talks.  She seems to be developing a better understanding and relationship with God.  It even gets to the point where I fell like this madness is all over--She is finally strong enough to either not need alcohol or want it. But then, I come home yesterday, and I can tell we are back down the rabbit hole.  We don't argue anymore about it.  In fact, the stretch between falls is extending, though not extinct.  It is what it is.  So, today, as I was doing my usual Saturday morning laundry and cleaning, I went into her room and found her sitting there petting the dog.  I sat down on her bed and asked her what had happened for her to do this.  She told me that yesterday she was thinking at how far she should be in her life by now, but isn't.  (She has in her mind that she is a certain age and should be at a certain place in her life).  I listened. I wanted to interject, but I listened.  I wanted to make that, "Really?" face.  But I didn't.  I listened.  When she was finished, I told her I wasn't going to argue.  That I had heard what she had said, but was confused. I told her (reminded her?) that alcohol is the only reason that she isn't where she feels she should be.  Alcohol is the only thing that has held her back.  Alcohol is the only thing that has robbed her of all that she feels she has lost.  So...why run back to it?  Why not just keep working hard and pushing forward?  Why, would you run to the very thing that has been holding you back? (I might have been making the "Really?" expression as I was talking, though I truly was trying not to).  I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND.

I also told her that ironically, with all that has happened and all that is on hold in her life, the only real waste of time has been being so lenient with pursuing and fighting and working for her sobriety. The harder she works toward that, the more her life will unfold-- if she would just stay sober.

She listened.  I left.  Life goes on--well, mostly.

1 comment:

  1. Except that the alcohol use is just a symptom of the deeper issues, whatever they are. The fears of success, the fears of failing, the being frozen in place....